An assortment of little things

You might be wondering how the caffeine cut-down is going. Thanks for asking - I think its going quite well. I haven't had resort to caffeine patches, and nobody has commented (that I know of) that I've been more bitchy than usual. I won't deny that its been a bit challenging, but its mostly in terms of overcoming habits, rather than suffering from withdrawals. I've been having the minimum caffeine required to keep headaches at bay, which I usually consume by 11 am. But in the afternoon I find myself jonesing for bubbles. Usually I would reach for diet coke at this point, but I have found that diet lemonade is enough to keep my mind off it. So, I'll continue like this for another week or two until I've fully adjusted, and then cut the caffeine by half again.

I've been married for almost a year now, and after careful consideration, Bryan and myself have decided that we each still think the other is ace. We'll be going back to sunny Queensland next weekend to celebrate our anniversary.

I recently became an Aunt for the 3rd time, to little Caelin. She is extremely cute, and a surprisingly feminine addition to the Coad bloodline. I say that because many of us couldn't fathom the idea of having a girl born into the Coad family. After some questioning of Bryan about his family tree recently, we discovered that in addition to his 2 male siblings, he has a disproportionately high (something like 90%) number of male cousins on both sides of his moderately sized family and one of his few female cousins is adopted. So he has always felt destined to spawn a predomonantly male family one day. But this is not the case with me - I was brought up in quite a girly household where even the dog had to be female. We couldn't fathom the idea of boy in the family (although things have changed now that my sister has brought little Benjamin into the world). One day one of will have some adjusting to do I guess!

Speaking of the dog, Molly is going back into surgery tomorrow to have her knee tuned up. I can't remember if I blogged about it at the time, but she blew out her knee joint while chasing rabbits back in July. Knee injuries are apparently very common in dogs of her speed and stature (i.e. Keg on legs, Ferrari engine with a Volkswagen chassis). She had surgery to repair the cruciate ligaments, but after 8 weeks with quite a lot of pain and minimal recovery, she needs a bit more repair. She probably still has some damaged meniscus preventing a full range of motion (and hurting like hell). Anyway, hopefully she will be on the road to recovery after tomorrow's surgery. She's such a stoich little trooper, and a very special pup to me.

Cake Wrecks

I have a new blog to add to my list of breakfast reading material. Cake wrecks. We've all seen badly decorated cakes, but have you seen anything this bad before? If yes, you should consider submitting a photo - but I won't be pleased if I see my wedding cake on there, y'hear?.

The cake wrecks come in various forms. From the beautifully made but kinda strange:

The downright disturbing (I ask myself what kind of parties these cakes were made for):

Those, where the professional decorator isn't very clever:

And cakes that are just plain ugly:

Best proposal ever!

I only wish Bryan had thought of this. A wedding proposal via my favourite website, Cute Overload.



And the answer is

Newlywed

The wedding planning is over (phew!). I'm married now. I did a great job planning that little shindig if I do say so myself. Some people are saying it was the best wedding they have ever been too. Truly.


More photos are available on our wedding website.

Just want to thank all of our family and friends who came to celebrate with us, my gorgeous bridesmaids, the groomsmen, our mums (moms) and dads, and everyone who helped us out with the logistics on the day. We had a fabulous day.

Why do women change their names?

Well this is an issue that's been on my mind lately, since I am merely 31 days away from getting hitched.

I've actually made my decision, and that is not to change my name. There are lots of reasons why I made this choice, mostly professional. But there are elements of feminism in my decision, and also I can't be arsed to do all the paperwork, get new bank cards, library cards, drivers license, etc... And Bryan's surname is so similar to mine that its not really worth the effort. Certainly there is no question of hyphenating our names without our kids suffering irreparable mental harm as a consequence. So anyway that's my choice.

Here's an interesting, and strongly worded article from The Age asking why women do choose to change their names.

----

Why do some wives still change their names?

Catherine Deveny
September 5, 2007

Insecure or conservative or stupid women are bowing to the wishes of their husbands.

WHO the hell is Jana Rawlinson? Jana Wendt I know, Jana Pittman I know, but Jana Rawlinson? So I check out the snap. It looks exactly like Jana Pittman. But her name is Jana Rawlinson. How bizarre. That has to be some crazy coincidence. A woman called Jana with a different surname who looks exactly like Jana Pittman. And, get this, she's a hurdler too. Freaky.

Oh, I get it. She has put a few noses out of joint in the past so she's keen on a bit of incognito action. You'd think she'd change her first name too. Then it dawned on me. She has got married, bizarre enough in itself these days, and changed her last name to her husband's. What an anachronism. Maybe she changed her name to go with the chastity belt, the crinolines and the stick "no thicker than his thumb" that her husband is allowed to beat her with.

Wake up! We are in 2007. Women are no longer owned by their father and then their husband. So why are some women still changing their surnames? And why do some men still want them to? It's sad, it's misogynous, it's archaic, it's insecure and it's unnecessary.

Why would you do something so drastic simply because you decided to delude yourself it was easier? Because you are deeply insecure, deeply conservative or deeply stupid. And in deep denial.

I ask women why they change their last name. They tell me "it's just easier". It's not. How easy is it changing the name on everything from your driver's licence to your library card? It's not. Many of the families I know have up to three different surnames and have no problem at all.

If people really believe that mum, dad and the kids having the same surname is easier, why doesn't the guy change his name? Why don't they flip a coin and it's heads we go for her surname and tails we go for his? Because it is not about it being easier. It makes me despair. We've come all this way and we're still here.

Many women will say that their husbands wanted them to change their surname. So they did. Here's a flash for you sister: if you do everything that your husband wants you to do, you may find yourself teetering round in a pair of stilettos and an apron all day saying, "Shall I fix some more food for you and the boys?", or wearing a burqa.

Thanks to feminism, women should be allowed and encouraged to do anything they want. But the question I ask is why do some women still want to change their surnames?

And not the stock answer they give, but why, deep in their hearts, they feel the need to dilute themselves.

So I kept reading the article and Jana has won a couple of gold medals. Good on her. She has an eight-month-old son and she was doing it for him. Here's a reality pill for you, Jana. You weren't doing it for him, you were doing it for you. He doesn't care.

Then it goes on to use the word "supermum" to describe her. How can a woman who has handed over her kid to be cared for by someone else while she has pursued her dreams with little or no thought to what the child needs or wants be described as a supermum? A supermum is a woman who has done the weekly shop with four kids under five and not killed any of them. If Jana had won the race with the baby strapped to her back while pushing a shopping trolley, I would have called her a supermum.

People are bagging Jana for putting her career above the needs of her young child. Which I can understand. What I can't understand is why the father is not mentioned at all. And never is.

Whenever two parents are working and the child is propped up on the sideline waiting for its turn, why is it only the woman who gets bagged, as if the father has no responsibility for the care of his own child? Why, when a woman is working, does she always get asked, "Who's looking after your children?", but the father never does? We need to take the focus off the role of mother and put it on to parents as a team.

Men have become much more hands-on fathers in the past 10 years and it has been magnificent to see. The kids, the dads and the mums have benefited greatly but we still have a long way to go. Dads, here's a sure-fire way of getting lucky tonight. Try this line: "I've made the lunches, done the reading and filled in all the excursion forms. The clothes are all laid out and I'm just going to put the kids to bed."

Is this what I'm supposed to be working on for the next 93 days?

Yes that's right, 93 days until my wedding. Gaah! I have enough to do without worrying about the atmosphere of the toilets at the venue!

But am I meant to be more concerned? This article from The Knot seems to suggest that I am a terrible host if I do not put candles, pot pourri, colour co-ordinated dye in the toilet water, shoe polish and a sewing kit into the loos.

Sites & Locations: Restrooms 101

The powder room. The loo. The lounge. It's where ladies convene to reapply their lipstick and men to check their combover. We'll tell you where to get extra toilets and how many you'll need, tips to keep them clean during the soiree, and how to make your guests feel at home when they, well, go. At a wedding, this is the one place everyone will visit at least once. Make it a memorable trip. Give your guests the royal flush!

EAU DE TOILETTE
Want decorative ways to keep the bathrooms smelling fresh as daisies? Bring in bowls or baskets of potpourri to keep around the sinks. If you had pew bouquets during the ceremony, have someone (perhaps one of your ushers), take them to the reception site. Add two to each restroom. Scented candles with votives can add a romantic feel and also eliminate odors.

AMENITIES BASKET
You've got your emergency wedding kit, shouldn't your guests have one as well? Throw together an amenities basket for the men's and women's rooms. It will be helpful when a guy needs shoe polish and a gal needs a safety pin. It also shows your guests you thought about them at every turn.

For the Ladies:
Pick up a wicker basket at a local craft shop and throw in these must-have goodies:
Hand lotion, tampons, perfume, safety pins, a comb, bobby pins, hairspray, mints, yummy hand soap, tissues, hairspray, needle and thread, aspirin, mouthwash, and clear nail polish (for runs in stockings).

For the Gents:
A man could use any of these items over the course of a wedding. Using a smaller wicker basket for these items (let's face it, guys are definitely lower maintenance), include a lint roller, spray deodorant, mints, mouthwash, toothpicks, a comb, and condoms (hey, you never know).

PORTABLE POTTIES
Unless your outdoor location (or home) has an unusual number of facilities, you may want to rent port-o-potties. You may not believe it, but they can be just as pleasant as real bathrooms! Make sure you keep them fully stocked with toilet paper (you may want to hire someone to make sure they're kept squeaky clean. Ask your reception contact for names of cleaning people). If the reception site doesn't have toilets, figure on one potty per 50 people. Check out www.toilets.com or call 1-888-PORTA-JOHN.

ADD A PERSONAL TOUCH
Instead of ugly brown paper towels, have your guests dry their hands with personalized napkins (in your wedding colors, of course). Check out The Knot Wedding Supplies Store for personalized matches and napkins

DIM ALL THE LIGHTS, SWEET DARLIN'
Most bathrooms offer an unflattering fluorescent light. The last thing you (or your guests) want is to walk into a room that shows every little blemish and dark circle. You can opt to take out the bulbs and replace them with a softer incandescent light, such as pink. Or, keep the lights off and light the way with sensual candles.

GOING ALL OUT?
Really love your wedding colors? Add coordinating dye to the toilet water. Fill the bathroom floor with rose petals. Play your ceremony music on CD. Reception hall doesn't come with restroom attendants? Hire your own private Jeeves.


Seriously? Are you kidding me? Listen up wedding guests, if you want pink lightbulbs in the bathrooms feel free to bring your own!

I'm a terrible bride.

Eek

OMG I'm getting married in exactly 100 days.

In 111 days it will all be over and I'll be back from my honeymoon and going back to work. Meh!

Little things (its what makes this blog tick)

I've had nothing big to post about for a while, just a few items to put on the news bulletin. So here they are.

This past weekend was the Queen's Birthday holiday weekend for most states in Australia (WA celebrates this event in October for some reason). Most people in Melbourne had Monday off work. But not me. Or Bryan. We work for Monash University, and they do not recognize many non-religious public holidays. This is to prevent disruption to classes - if half of the students taking a course have a lab or tutorial cancelled because it falls on a holiday then they are at a disadvantage to those students in the course who have their class later in the week. It makes sense, but it still sucks to have to work on a holiday. Its not all bad though, we get awarded 1 ⅔ days off for every public holiday we work, which we can take over Christmas, giving us almost 2 weeks off at Christmas without taking any annual leave. But the whole system makes little difference to me, because I work on a campus that doesn't actually hold any classes, but we still have to follow the rules. At least Bryan and I are in the same situation- it would really suck if I had to go to work on a holiday, while Bryan stayed at home.

I just spent $100 on postage for wedding invitations, which is more than it cost us to make the invitations (not that you'd know it to look at them, they are clas-sy!). I am a little shocked at spending that much on stamps, but I should have expected it since 90% of the invites were going international.

I had a cold about 6 weeks ago, which was horrible for about 5 days but was bearable after that providing I didn't leave home without putting some tissues in my pocket. Well it hasn't really improved since that blowing-nose-every-5-minutes stage. I still can't go anywhere without tissues. But this morning I felt like it might be regressing back into the sore throat and slightly congested stage. Which sucks.

And while I'm whining about the state of my health, that fun run I did a few weeks back was a big mistake. I've got plantar fasciitis in my right foot and shin splints in my left leg. That means that walking any significant distance is off limits (it's lucky I like cycling).

My sister has been poised to give birth to her first baby for about the last 3 weeks and it still hasn't happened. The edge of my seat is getting worn out from me sitting on it all this time.

If I hear one more word about Paris Hilton and her freaking jail sentence, I may just hurt somebody. Just kidding, I'm loving it! The whole being sent home from jail because of a "life-threatening" skin rash, and then being sent right back kicking and screaming "Mom, its not right" was pure gold! Now she's a changed woman and wants to work for charities, bless her.

Latest wedding fashions

These photos weren't taken from an 80's era wedding magazine. These fashions have appeared on catwalks in the last two weeks.


From Karl Lagerfeld's Bridal collection at Barcelona Bridal Week fashion show, lace adorned fingerless gloves a la Madonna. I've never understood how gloves can work in a wedding when there are rings involved. Although I suppose it would be possible to put the ring on while wearing fingerless gloves and let it hide under the lace (ick). I don't mind the dress though.


Not sure who designed this tux, which doesn't completely offend me. But the groom DOES NOT NEED A BOUQUET!! Especially one made of cotton balls!!! Oooh sorry about that, I think I just had a touch of Bridezilla. But its true, grooms feel silly enough with a buttonhole, without handing them an armspray. Bryan threatened me with an annulment if I do anything like this to him. And look, that model looks like he's about to pull a semi-automatic out of that thing and shoot everyone. You can see the anger in his eyes.

There's something I hadn't thought of

As advised by elegala.com:
There are other ways to make your entrance beyond the traditional march with your father. Ride in on a horse. Or be escorted by both parents, a close uncle, brother, friend—even a pet!

When we first got engaged I spent a few days agonizing over the issue of who would walk down the aisle with me and "give me away". I don't really like the idea of being given away, and why should the Dads get to do it? Its all a bit patriarchal for my liking. But who knew that involving animals in the ceremony was becoming acceptable wedding etiquette?

I considered the horse option, but luckily I realised that I'm not much at horse riding, although it did work out well for Kip and LaFawnduh. And wouldn't you smell like horse for the rest of the day if you arrived on one?


I considered walking down the aisle with Molly, but she's easily distracted by sandflies, schmackos and people offering tummy tickles (who wouldn't be?).

Anyway, I think I've figured out how it will happen now. But you'll have to wait and see.

I will stop this soon

...I promise, just one last wedding post.

Here's a wonderful photo and caption that I found on a website of terrible wedding dress photography featured in magazine ads. This photo made me laugh uncontrollably under my breath for several minutes (you know the kind of laughing you do when you're at work in an office with three other people who are actually doing work, and you don't want them to know that you're laughing because then you'd have to explain what's so funny and you just know that they wouldn't find it that funny anyway).


I can't find my bouquet. I've looked everywhere for it. What? Do you know where it is? I haven't seen it since I sat down over there. It's just gone. Why are you laughing? Help me find my frickin' bouquet!



OK that is it. No more wedding posts for at least a couple of days. I don't want anyone to send me this:

Bride Audit

Continuing my pattern of wedding-obsessed posts, I give you the Bride Audit, which is actually very funny if you've ever known a Bridezilla.


BrideAudit™

Someone who scored more highly on the Bride Audit than I did might send out the following thankyou cards

Godawful Wedding Crap

At last! A blog echoing my own feelings on crap wedding paraphernalia.

I give you, Godawful Wedding Crap!

Groomzillas, who knew?

Having spent the last 6 months of wedding planning desperately trying to avoid being labelled a Bridezilla, I have recently discovered that there is such a thing as a Groomzilla.

The Age blog "Sam and the City" posted this yesterday, here's an excerpt:

Introducing the groomzilla: more feisty, mean and multi-tasking than his diamante-encrusted bride-to-be ...

While the groom's only task once revolved around arriving on time, fixing his tie, making his best effort not to kiss the bride's sister or gulp down too many shots of tequila before taking to the aisle, modern groomzillas seem to want more than their fare share of wedding-planning control.

According to male wedding portal groomsonline.com creator Mark Walerstein, 10 per cent of grooms involved in the wedding planning become bona fide groomzillas.

Let's start with the vanity side of things. Apparently, when you're a groomzilla, it's not only the bride that needs an entire army of technicians to get her into tip-top shape for the big day. Oh no. Groomzillas go all out too - plucking, preening, spray-tanning, manicuring, pedicuring and pretending to his mates that their stress-rash is as a result of too much time on the golf course. Could have fooled us.

As the wedding preps go on, groomzillas become so pedantic over seating arrangements, music selections, food-arrival timings, invitation wording, invitation sending, invitation RSVPing, who wears what (whatever happened to black suits?), what the videographer will be shooting, where the photography will take place and how they'll get from the nuptials to the cocktails, without getting stuck in the twilight-hour traffic and whether or not his hair needs another dye-job before the day, that it makes our bridezillas look like beauty queens.

Well all I can say is that so far Bryan has exhibited no symptoms of becoming a Groomzilla. None at all. Not that he's disinterested, but he's more than happy to leave most of the wedding planning up to me. I assume that mean he also has no fears that I will turn into a Bridezilla.

Did you notice the link to Grooms Online while you were reading that? Ok, there are infinity-squared wedding planning websites/forums/directories out there aimed at the female bridal party demographic, but who knew there was a role for Grooms Online? I checked it out, it features such helpful articles as:

Shape Up, Or You May Be Shipping Out. So you’ve finally landed yourself a bride and now you think you can let yourself go? Think again.

How To Plan A Wedding Like A Man. As the man, do you want to sit back and have her signature all over the entire affair? If the day is a success, the guests will have her to thank, or her mother. You cannot take pride in having helped to plan your own wedding. Even worse, if something goes wrong, your bride will have herself to blame. You may not be held accountable but without having participated, you will look like a loser who let his woman do everything. What kind of message does that send to her and her family?

The Skinny On Hiring A Stripper. When thinking about hiring adult entertainment for the bachelor party, be prepared have all your information ready.
This article also offers the helpful hints, Don't fall in love with the entertainers - The odds are you weren't the first guy to do it; Your money will only go so far, so find out how far; Be casual and not a horn dog.

Is this realistic? Do grooms-to-be find these articles helpful? Do they really refer to their bride-to-be as 'his woman'? The mind boggles. But here's my favourite bit of advice, this time aimed at the best man.

The Art of being the Best Man. Here are a few things that you might want to remember to take a long with you: Ceremony location, Date, Time.

Let me just say that if the Best Man needs to read this article, then he's under-qualified. And I don't need to be a Bridezilla to say that.

Funny wedding quote

One of the girls on my trivia team got married on the weekend. Back when she was shopping for her wedding dress, she was overheard saying to the shop assistant,
"I don't want to look like a meringue, I want to look like the whole pavlova"
And apparently her dress took up so much room on the dance floor there wasn't really room for anyone else to dance.

Which reminds me of when I was shopping for my wedding dress. There was a girl trying on her dress in the change room next to mine, who said,
"I want him (the groom we presume) to look at me coming down the aisle and say 'Oh my God'". My mum saw her dress, and was certain that everyone in the room was going to be saying "Oh...my...God" under their breath.

Updating the to-do list

Venue
Accommodation
Flights
Celebrant
Vows/ceremony outline
Wedding dress
Bridesmaid dresses
Shoes
Tuxedos
Music
Flowers
Cake
Decorations
Photography
Invitations
Menu
Honeymoon


Mum came to visit me for the weekend. Together we almost finished planning the wedding. We chose my wedding dress (I had already shortlisted a few for her to choose from), and bought the fabric for the bridesmaid dresses all before lunch time on Saturday. It felt good to get all that out of the way.
The music is still a daunting task.

wedding ticker

Isn't this just darling?



See, it answers the question on everyone's lips before they even have the chance to ask.

I've noticed in the few times that I've been to online wedding forums, every bride-to-be on there has got some kind of ticker, to let everyone know when the wedding is, when the baby is due, how many pounds she needs to lose to fit the wedding dress, how much more money they need to save to pay for the wedding.... A ticker for all your needs. How I've got by without one all this time is beyond me.

Oh, the wedding accessories you can get out there! At least this one was for free. There's not much available that isn't marked up, like, 600% when it has the W-word attached to it.

Speaking of wedding accessories, don't you just love these?


Just perfect for those 'country elegance' themed connubials.

Pachelbel Rant

Yesterday I was mulling over potential wedding music. I have been mulling over this for a while now, because I would rather slit my wrists than walk down the aisle to Wagner's Bridal Chorus (better known as Here Comes the Bride). What are the alternatives? Well I do quite like Pachelbel's Canon in D major (Ever since I first watched Father of the Bride)and would be happy enough to walk down the aisle to that. Except, that not long ago I discovered that my brother-in-law, Simon, thinks Pachelbel is synonymous with tacky weddings. What to do? I can't have Simon going on for years about the tackiest wedding he ever went to being mine. (Well, Simon, I'm not the one who walked down the aisle - albeit accidentally- to the sinking ship song. Actually neither did you, it was my dear sister who had the honour)

Anyway, I haven't made any decision's about wedding music yet, but here's a funny video I found on YouTube today, that made me think of Simon.



And by the way Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, you stole my first dance song, and now I hate you more than ever.

No one will notice if the flowers match your shoes

...and that, my friends, is my secret to organising a wedding without doing my head in.

It's slightly over 8 months to go until W-day, and I gotta tell you I am way ahead of schedule with the planning. That's because I'm not thinking very hard about all the options available. I don't really need to. Because the Whitsundays is a relatively small place, there aren't a huge number of florists, patisseries, photographers, or celebrants to choose from. But they do all have websites. So I did all the browsing of products and prices online in a relatively short space of time.

The downside of that strategy is that we can't really see what I'm getting until the big day. But I don't care. It won't matter. It's not worth stressing over. I know every bride wants her wedding day to be the perfect day, but here's the thing....Its going to be perfect no matter what. Butterfly releases and bonbonniere do not enhance that perfection. To quote my Aunty Jen, "you have all the ingredients for a great wedding...ie a good groom, a memorable place...enough guests that think you're wonderful...and all the rest is fluff....". Very true.



Here's my To-do list:

Venue

Accommodation

Flights

Celebrant

Vows/ceremony outline

Wedding dress

Bridesmaid dresses

Tuxedos

Flowers

Cake

Decorations

Photography

Invitations

Menu

Honeymoon

But before you start referring to me as the most organised bride in history, you may have noticed some big things left on my To-do list. Oh yes, I may have organised all the little things quickly, but I've probably approached the to-do list from the wrong direction. That wedding dress purchase is really hanging over my head.

sparkly

Due to popular demand, I am posting a photo of the ring. I wasn't going to because I realised how ugly my hands are on extreme closeup. But here you are peoples. The first person to comment on my wrinkly knuckles gets a kick in the knees.